happy drizzly days

Well, I'm back at uni. And, as expected, I now can't imagine ever having been away. I've had all manner of introductory talks today, designed to "induct" us back into uni life, and to impress on us the great importance of working hard.

Honestly though, this year is my last at uni - and this is the one when I really really will be organised. I will start (or, at least, start planning) essays as soon as they are set, I will become attached to my diary (which, to be fair, I did most of last year and as of becoming a member of Committee for CU it became somewhat of a necessity).

I love the beginnings of new academic years. When I think back to all the starts of new years I've had - all the pencil cases bought, all the pencils sharpened and diaries purchased and then abandoned, all the new umbrellas and ill-advised winter hats - it's really incredible to think that this is the last time (at least for the time being) that I'll be doing it all.

For the last 15 years of my life, September has come around, my birthday's been celebrated, then I've gone back to school, then uni, and this is the last time!

Surrounded by all the new freshers, grinning and brandishing flyers and maps and freshers wristbands, while I trundle from one building to another sorting out module changes and handing in dissertation ideas, I can't help but feel... Well, old.

Last year I had a sense of at-home-ness, as though I knew the score and could join in with everything without the pressure of having to put myself out there and hope against hope that I would find someone who wouldn't mind hanging out with me and would find my idiosyncrases endearing.

This year I kind of feel more like I'm facilitating other people's start-of-year. And this has it's own set of charms: I can scan the crowds of people and see the familiar nervous furtive glances, and recognise the relief they feel when you go and chat and ask the familiar Big 3 ("where are you from?", "what are you studying?", "which Halls are you in?") - a breath of comforting air during probably the scariest and most exciting start-of-year that people will ever experience.

As a uni veteran I'm able to breeze around feeling confident and at home, and can enjoy being a chilled-out fish in a pretty big pond, before next year when I'll be the nervous newcomer again - trying to swim alongside even bigger fish.

20 frivolous memories

So, most of this morning has been spent - productively, naturally - watching Trinny and Susannah Undress the Nation. For the uninitiated, this programme's basic premise is snatching women with shattered self-esteem off the street, locking them in a fluorescent, mirrored cube of horror, crushing their spirits and reducing them to tears, before whizzing them off on a dazzling shopping trip and single-handedly restoring their confidence and repairing their marriages. Excellent stuff.

Aside from that, it's my birthday coming up and, predictably, it's got me feeling all cheesy and retrospective. I'll be 21 in two days, an adult in the eyes of all the oldies, officially able to drink in America and, well, I'm a good couple of years away from my teenage era. So, in typical blogger fashion, here are a few of the things I've done in the last year:

1. I entered the real, adult world of online banking.  Not only that, but I started paying bills. Real bills. And when I call my electricity suppliers, they don't ask if my mum's at home.
2. I voted in the general election. I woke up after hours of trying to stay up to watch the whole thing unfold, to a text from Lou saying: "You are waking up to a Tory government." Then, a few minutes later: "Ok, forget that. I read it wrong."
3. I opened a Twitter account. And a Flickr. And a Dailybooth. And I shamefully neglect all but one.
4. I cut my hair short, dyed it black (because there wasn't any brown dye in the shop), ignoring all sensible advice to the contrary. And I've stuck with it.
5. I read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, and in so doing discovered my fictional home-from-home.
6. I received a brand new laptop. Which eventually broke. Which I was then conned out of 17o quid to get fixed (which it wasn't). But it was through this circuitous route that I became acquainted with the unadulterated technological love affair of my life (my MacBook), and shouted at the crook in the repair shop with all manner of spectacular righteous anger and dissatisfaction.
7. I managed to gradually acquire 100 YouTube subscribers - one of whom managed to find me on Facebook and left me such a sweet "I'm a fan from YouTube" comment on my wall (which sufficiently impressed my housemates and made me go all giggly).
8. I was about 2 feet away from the Queen for about 30 seconds, which was enough to make me burst into tears.
9. On 15th September 2009, I was genuinely in love. The relationship ended in the months that followed, and it's taken much of the rest of this year to reach the point where I don't operate under a constant state of pain. But now I can say I'm glad it ended - because on 15th September 2010 I will have re-learned to be comfortable on my own, and hopefully won't make the same mistakes again.
10. I pierced my ear, again.
11. I seriously considered getting a tattoo, and still think I might. Perhaps it'll be something I do when I'm 21 - a delicious age when I really should know better.
12. I started the year in the black, then slipped into the red, then crawled back into the black.
13. I went into Boots looking for a pair of glasses, telling the lady: "Basically, I want to look like Jim Royle from The Royle Family", which she found highly amusing.
14. I went into the local brand new Hollister shop. Twice. Yet despite scoffing and sniggering my way through the entire experience, there was a little bit of me that was disappointed that the topless male models weren't there.
15. I mastered the art of a truly beautiful red velvet cake. Then planned my future wedding around it.
16. I went from being a Hallgroup Leader, to a Committee Member, and wondered how it all happened so fast.
17. I bought a ukulele, and am 2 songs through the 5 that I swore I'd learn.
18. I bought more bunches of flowers, cinema tickets, and packets of fizzy Haribo than I'd care to remember.
19. I sold out and gave in to the pull of the iPod, which I guess after my ongoing romance with the MacBook was fairly inevitable really.
20. I started thinking seriously about what I'll be doing this time next year after realising that - as much as I'd like to - I can't stay in uni forever. But I also realised that maybe it'll all be ok, and the big scary world isn't too scary after all.

It's been a full, dazzling, heartbreaking, thrilling, hilarious and magnificent year. I hope I've done it justice.

this year

I am going to:

1. Write for the Courier.
2. Blog at least once a week.
3. Vlog at least once a fortnight.
4. Get my eyes tested (and get some new glasses).
5. Take more pictures. And get them developed.
6. Take a trip. Somewhere. Anywhere.
7. Go running.
8. Read the whole Bible.
9. Give blood.
10. Build up a repertoire of 5 songs on the ukulele.
11. Go to the Jazz Café.

I'll let you know how I get along.